Button Gap

     I suffer from a condition. It’s called button gap.  This is a condition that I actually did not know that I had, until I saw somebody else with this condition.  I was sitting next to a woman who was wearing a shirt that buttoned down.  And, there it was; button gap.  You could see various parts of the woman’s torso, depending on which two buttons you were peering in between.  I am by no means a voyeur, but I am observant of my surroundings.

      This condition appears to afflict predominately women, prevalent in women of all shapes and sizes.  When I diagnosed myself with this condition, I tried several cures.  The first, of course, was to eliminate the button down shirt from my wardrobe.  But, that felt too limiting.

     Next, I re-introduced the button down shirt into my wardrobe, with a camisole underneath.  This didn’t seem to work, either.  It felt funny, having an extra layer.  And, sometimes the button down shirt style allowed for the top of the camisole to be seen.  No, it wasn’t a modesty thing for the camisole to be showing, it was a fashion thing.  It felt like I had a white t-shirt poking out from underneath, a bit casual for a button down shirt, a mismatch, really,

     The next potential cure was having a jacket buttoned closed over the button down shirt the entire day.  This was the worst solution.  I found it very difficult to keep my jacket buttoned the entire day, through various movements and activities of daily work life; sitting, bending to pick things up, turning quickly to answer the ringing phone.  It was to binding, and I found that I always had a hand over the buttons of the jacket to give them extra support, or to keep people safe, should a button pop off and fly.

     My next approach was scientific.  I put on a button down shirt, and stood, sat, and leaned over, all the while observing the properties of the button gap.  I noted that while I was standing straight up with perfect posture, there was little to no button gap.  However, with a changed or different position, there was more body to cover, thus more fabric needed.  The shirt could not spontaneously produce more fabric, thus full coverage became an issue, causing button gap.  Based on this hypothesis, increased fabric coverage should solve the problem.  Excellent.  I then went out and tried on shirts 2 to 3 sizes larger than my size.  Yes, in fact, this did help with button gap.  However, the shirts were ill fitting everywhere, to say the least; too long on the torso, sleeves flowing and flowing, collar drooping from the extra weight.  They looked more like when women in the 1980’s wore men’s shirts with leggings, not exactly the effect I was going for.

     My next idea was the good old safety pin.  I carefully pinned between each button, top to bottom, on the inside of the shirt, so they were completely invisible when the shirt was worn.  This took several tries to get the fabric straight and not puckered and to make the pin invisible.  But, it was the perfect solution, the prefect treatment for this condition.  I am pleased with the results.

     I do see individuals out there with button gap, but it appears to be a benign condition for them, one that they are not concerned about.  Or, perhaps, they have not self-diagnosed their condition yet.   My self diagnosis and development of  a successful treatment has cured my condition of button gap. 

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About robin swetz

I am a creative writer that enjoys the simple things in life. I really connect with humor and really like making observations and writing about them with an overlay of humor. Its what makes my world go around.,
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