You Can’t Lose if You Don’t Play

Posted on November 2, 2013 by robin swetz

I have made some interesting observations about religion and gambling. I am always intrigued when I bear witness to this, a calling upon Him to bless the requesting individual with the precious gift of….. the winning numbers: boxed, straight, Powerball number, four corners, full card- Wait that’s BINGO. Seriously, though. Let me share a few observations.

I saw a woman purchase a lottery ticket and then make a sign of the cross with it.

Also, a former colleague puts lottery tickets in her bible overnight for luck. She locates a specific passage, I forget which one right now. I’m betting it’s not about worldly riches leading down the path of evil, or the value in praying for others over one’s own wants. Too funny.

Also, I once saw a person who had a lottery ticket slid into their ID badge at work, completely covering their actual work ID picture, name, and organization. They literally identified themselves as a gambler. I do appreciate the honesty, albeit a subconscious recognition of identity.

Recently, I came across a letter opener with a toll free number to call if you need help, Gamblers Anonymous. Interesting choice of advertising paraphernalia. Not a pen, or a note pad, or a magnet. But, rather, a letter opener. Perhaps to utilize for the many, many bills that have piled up because of the gambling problem.

My sentiment for the whole thing? You just plain cannot lose if you just don’t play. I’ll keep my money, thank you, and my perspective around reaching out to Him.

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The Flip Flop

Posted on November 2, 2013 by robin swetz

The flip-flop. It’s like a G-string for your foot. Where is the coverage? I really like it when the flip-flop wearer tries on shoes at the store, yes, bare back. Guess that’s like the ladies and probably some gents too that try clothing on donning their G-strings. Where is the coverage?!

Now, I also appreciate the unskilled flip-flop wearer. We have all seen them: the flip-flop wearer that is not quite comfortable and stable in the flip-flop. They can be found dragging their feet to keep their flip-flops on. It’s similar to a lady in high heels that clearly has limited practice with the shoe. So we wait as they slide along, slide slide slide like a beginner skater on the ice.

Lets talk about that attractive sound the flip-flop makes when the wearer is walking. It’s the kind of sound that one might feel compelled to say “Excuse me” after. What is that anyway ? I guess it is the foot plunging away from the flip-flop. I am thinking moisture may be a component here. Lovely thought as I observe the flip-flop wearer bare backing at the shoe department.

Let’s talk about credibility. There have been a few occasions I see a smartly and professionally dressed woman at work, only to have it all fall apart as she walks away; plunge, plunge, plunge. To me, flip-flops are a flop.

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Time Saver

Posted on November 2, 2013 by robin swetz

“Joe Decarlo”, he says for the fifth time. You see, the first four times he carefully and slowly spoke into his cell phone, summoning Joe Decarlo’s telephone number to be automatically dialed, well, he had no success. He pauses in between each careful declaration of this man’s name, perhaps gathering the courage to go on with this journey. After the 7th time, I leave and go to my car. I am slightly annoyed, but also interested. I get a notepad and pencil to write about this observation. Some behaviors are so curious. The amount of time it was taking to use this time saving technology seemed to be much longer than just looking the number up in his contact list. When I return, the man is silent and his phone is nowhere to be seen.

“Did you get a hold of Joe Decarlo?” I inquire, with a smile.

“Yes”, he says. “It was jut giving me a hard time.”

I think, sarcastically, well, good thing you have that fabulous technology. It saved so much time.

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Time Travel

Posted on November 2, 2013 by robin swetz

Today, something rather embarrassing happened to me. You see, I used the word “housework” in a sentence that I created and spoke out loud referencing me in current time. I was at the baseball field, at a practice with my nine year old, hanging out, writing, and reading; relaxing really. Another man sat at the picnic tables with me. I shared with him that my son wanted me to stay for the entire practice because of the overcast skies. My son was worried that practice would end early. I told the man “I don’t mind waiting here and relaxing. If I were at home I would be doing: housework. “ Yes, housework.

Suddenly, the world began spinning and we were in the late 60’s and early 70’s. I recall my grandmother wearing her brightly patterned polyester smock, as she did her housework between Pall Mall cigarettes. Actually, it was more smoking than housework, but who is really counting. Silence befalls the current time, 2013. I feel my face getting warm. It is a truth, though. I dust, do laundry, wash dishes, vacuum, clean floors, clean bathrooms, etc. That technically is housework. It is just that word, it sounds so antiquated, much like the word antiquated. Interesting what words engender.

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Signs

Posted on October 18, 2013 by robin swetz

Something caught my eye on the drive in this morning. It was a cow print design in front of a gas station. And, it said “Milk Sold Here at The State Minimum”. I did not know that there was a state minimum for milk. I have seen these signs for cigarettes. I could Google ‘CT State Minimum’ and just see what comes up. But, I like to discover these things serendipitously.

This reminds me of another sign I saw on our drive to our vacation destination, Plymouth Rock. This sign was on the side of the highway. It read “State Prison Facility; No Stopping”. I guess that means that at any given time an escapee could be lurking in the woods, hoping for a car to stop to fully realize their freedom.

Then there was the Backdraft Café sign that stood prominently, with no building in sight. My husband’s estimation? The café burnt down.

Another sign at the shuttle waiting area at my job asks “Please Do Not Chase The Shuttles”. Now, that one has me thinking. If you can sprint after the shuttle, you can probably walk the two to three blocks the shuttle will drive you to our facility.

On another vacation while my husband and I were checking out a time-share free of charge, pulling in to enjoy our complementary dinner in the Berkshires, there was an interesting sign. It was the kind of sign where you place the black letters over the board of light bulbs, really old-fashioned and charming. It announced their special for the night, “Meat Loaf and Mashed Potatoes With Gravy”. It also announced an extra piece of information’ “We Fill Propane Tanks”. Very accommodating. You can reheat your meal right there should it get cold.

Another sign I noted was at the exit and pay area at a parking garage. “Buckle Up- Somebody Loves You”. Wow. What a proclamation. I wonder if this approach really works.

Oh, yes. The event run by the church down the street from me. Folks were set up in the church parking lot, ready to go. The event of the day? “Pet Blessings”. I will leave this one alone.

My attention is easily drawn to these signs, these slices of life. I will keep looking, looking for a sign.

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Closet Catholicism Revisited Again

Posted on October 6, 2013 by robin swetz

Today, at my local Goodwill, as I perused the aisles waiting for something I don’t have or don’t need to jump out at me, there it was. A crucifix. It was a dark wooden cross with a shiny gold Jesus on it, His tattered body glistening. It is in the Seasonal aisle, right there with Halloween costumes and decorations. But, I was perplexed. This doesn’t belong here. Seasonal? A costume? A decoration?

I pick up the crucifix and carry it throughout the store, looking for a better place to suit it. In the past, I have taken these home from Goodwill. The two other crucifixes are under my bed, at the bottom, on my side. But, I cannot take anymore home. I have no more room right now. After searching for a more fitting location for Him, I settle on Giftware. This seems like the most fitting place. Is He not a gift? Is not all I have a gift? From Him? Some say just that.

So I left Him in Giftware, merchandising Him as best as possible. I left Him on the middle shelf, in the front, at eye level. I take one more look at Him before I turn and walk away.

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Do You Work Here?

Posted on October 6, 2013 by robin swetz

I am at the Goodwill in my town. And, as often happens, a customer asks me “Do you work here?” I suspect my familiarity and confidence I exude while walking through the store translates into employee status.

I answer her “No, but I shop here a lot. What is your question? “She goes onto ask if items on the mannequins are for sale. “Absolutely” I say as I follow her to the mannequin in question. Well, she is part mannequin, really. She has a mannequin torso and a hanger handle for a head. This allows her torso to be hung on the outside of the dressing room door. The items she dons get a lot of viewing because of this location.

Mandy the mannequin is showcasing a bright green shirt, a gray vest, and a chunky beaded necklace. I am hoping this customer wants the vest, or the matching necklace. No such luck. The green shirt it is. I take control of the situation and unbutton the vest. Then, I take her by her hook for a head and remove her vest. Next, I carefully slide her shirt over the top of her hook-head, being sure to not stretch the shirt out or snag its slippery material on her hook-head. The woman takes the shirt from me and walks off, mumbling a thank you as she goes.

I am left with Mandy the mannequin. Her white plastic breasts are perfectly symmetrical and perfectly bare. My first thought goes to young children with questions. I quickly put the vest back on and button all three buttons. The vest and necklace is certainly a unique style; it gets your attention. Better than bare breasts, I imagine. Glad I could be of help to both women, the customer and Mandy the mannequin.

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Swiss Cheese

Posted on October 6, 2013 by robin swetz

As I waited for the next item of my order at the deli to be filled, I heard the man next to me order 5 slices of Swiss cheese. This immediately brought a smile to my face, as I turned to look at him. He looks like a good sport. “One for each day of the week”, I said, with a firm nod of my head. “You’ve figured me out”, he said with a smile.

Now, I myself order ‘one third of a pound, OR LESS, of the least expensive honey ham and honey turkey’. This, in general, will last my family through the week. If it doesn’t make it through the week, then the emergency contingency plan of peanut butter and jelly is activated, or, in grave situations, chicken salad sandwiches made with canned chicken. For cheese, though, I get 2 pounds fully, of the least expensive, of course. With 2 boys, and the longer life of cheese as compared with the meat, we never waste the cheese.

Back to this man. I am trying to figure him out. He more than likely is single with no children. He probably has a job to fund groceries with as well as to pack a lunch for. He does not like to waste food, or has a tight budget, or a little of both. And, he doesn’t like to snack on Swiss cheese.

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Quick Note

Posted on February 17, 2013 by robin swetz

Well, I think my husband has reached that “men of a certain age”, or at least his parents want him to reach it. The other day, he received a piece of mail from his Dad. It was a hand written note accompanied by an obituary clipped from the newspaper. The newspaper clipping was interesting enough to see, almost like a relic in a museum. And, a hand-written note sent through the mail. How charming. We explored the fossils together. We deciphered his Dad’s hand-written note first. My husband’s first grade teacher had passed away. She was 89. My husband was surprised at her age, as she seemed older when he was in the first grade. He remembered Miss Burk. He must not be “that” certain age, as he does remember her. She was a great teacher.
We felt compelled to read the other obituary next to Miss Burk’s, and the half obituary on the back, the rest clipped off without even realizing it. It felt almost disrespectful to not give them each a moment. We talked about Miss Burk, and the two other women. Each woman had worked decades and decades at the same job in each of their companies.  One of the women had worked for the same company for 65 years (she passed away at age 99). This is another historical context. These days, I see individuals moving from job to job more often. I don’t think you see this pattern of longevity as much.
So, my husband has broken through the threshold. Receiving obituaries clipped from the newspaper is something he can now expect. I am hoping for the longevity with the company, as well!!

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Nutribullet

Posted on February 17, 2013 by robin swetz

I became very interested in the infomercial for this product, the Nutribullet (Trade Marked), early one morning as I flipped through the channels on the television. My interest in creative writing is what drew me in, as I listened to the advertisement’s representation. This is a “super food nutrition extractor”. I am intrigued. What type of laboratory equipment is utilized to extract these nutrients? Petri dishes? Microscopes? Glass beakers? Bunsen burners? Oh, it’s the “extractor blade” paired with the 600 watt engine and the “exclusive cyclonic technology” that is the “secret to success”. The infomercial goes on to explain different nutrients and their benefits, including healing properties. The Nutribullet, with all of its self-proclaimed technology, apparently extracts all of the nutrients in a way that eating them regualry the old fashioned way; chewing, does not. The Nutribullet “blasts ordinary foods into super foods in a instant”. Is this a scientific claim?
The host prefaces his announcement with the fact that both of his parents are medical doctors. I wait for a scientific endorsement. This seems to be a perfect opportunity for it. He goes on to announce that his parents say health is your most important asset, and he toasts to this with his glass filled with thick green liquid. This sounds reasonable. What else would his M.D. parents say? That this made up technology and subsequent claims are factual? They would certainly lose their credibility if they did…..

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