He said “I don’t want to be with you anymore. “. The shock and filth of it was like the belch of thick black smoke from an old car. And like that smoke, it hung in the air. I stood there, waiting for the smoke to dissipate, to clear. But, it did not clear. I could feel my body become so so heavy, yet my head felt light, like it was going to float away like a balloon let go of by a small child.

He turned to walk away, and stopped for a moment, his body half turned away from me and half turned toward me. A wave of relief washed over me, crashed upon me. His own words had startled him. His words are not how he really feels. He has made a mistake.

He looks at me, his eyes settling just above my head as his words came out. “I’m sorry.” I wait for the rest of what he has to say. Now, he turns away from me and begins to walk. I watch him, each step that he takes. His steps are loud hard stomps. My balloon head begins floating away, higher and higher away, the ribbon having finally slipped out of somebody’s hand. Now, I am disconnected from myself. Just as all the anger and sadness was starting to well up inside of me, it dissipates. It is lost, gone, some where else.

I talk to myself.

“Get hold of the ribbon and get that balloon back down. Get it back before it’s gone forever!” And, that is just what I did. Next, the heaviness of my body mysteriously lifted, and I was back to me, back to being in myself. Now, the pain comes. It is intense. I gasp for breath and my chest tightens. Like in the movie, I see a montage of scenes with him and I. The montage ends with me standing here alone. I look around. Yes, I am alone. He is gone, yes gone. He has left, he has left me. He has undone “us”, and left me with me. I stand up very straight, inhale deeply, and exhale as I take my first step without him.